I’ve been thinking a lot lately about resistance (toward a new thing) versus knowing when something just is not for you.
I hate running. Or at least I *think* I hate running because I’m “bad” at it.
Back in September, my husband and I started “training” for an October 5k. Spoiler alert! The training didn’t last long and we didn’t participate in the race! LOL
BUT I gave it the good ole college try… well, sort of. For two weeks, I ran. Three times each week, I followed the Couch to 5K App. (For those unfamiliar, the app uses interval training - AKA walk 2 min, run 1 min, walk 2, run 1 - over the course of several weeks so you can build up endurance to run a 5K.) Yet, every time the app would ding to start a running interval, I was filled with a fiery rage.
“Who does this?”
“Why did I sign up for this?”
“What if I get injured?”
“It’s kind of fun … I almost get it.”
“No, this is absolutely terrible and painful.”
All thoughts I had in one 60-second interval of running.
Resistance rears its ugly head when we know we need to work on a project but we procrastinate or when we have an amazing creative endeavor but no follow-through. According to Brianna West, in her book “The Mountain is You” about overcoming self-sabotage, “we often feel resistance in the face of what’s going right in our lives.” She goes on to explain that we are wired for comfort and safety, not happiness or thriving.
Brianna’s solution to resistance is ensuring that you feel “safe enough to get attached to something new and important”. In infuriating duality fashion, however, she also warns that resistance may be a sign that something just is not right for us…
So that was my dilemma.
Do I simply not like running because that’s the story I’ve told myself since the beginning of time? (Resistance) “I’m not a runner!” / “Running is too hard on the body.”
If I could learn to work with my resistance though, could running be a gateway to a new and enjoyable hobby once I get past the initial growing pains associated with it?
Or do I not like running because deep down I *know* it’s just not really the ideal form of exercise for me and my body? (Trusting my intuition)
Maybe it’s both.
At the start of November, I decided to give another go at running. This time, however, I approached it differently. I scaled waaaay back - from running three times a week to one. Every Monday, I promised myself I would show up and run. No app to follow, no distance requirement to meet, no time to beat. Just simply show up and run.
And let me tell you - it’s been a game changer.
Because for me, running isn’t about getting my body to be a certain shape. Or to run in races or beat any kind of record. Running is about encouraging myself to try something new, something hard, and quite frankly, something a little scary.
Will I be competing in marathons any time soon? Hard pass.
Do I enjoy heading out the door every Monday and seeing what my body can do? Hell yea!
Are there other ways to teeter on the edge of resistance and growth - to try something else instead of running? Of course.
I can face resistance like our culture teaches us to. I can grit my teeth and push myself beyond my limits. But is that loving? No. Is that really sustainable for me long-term? No.
I’m also veryyyyy pro joyful movement and if you can’t find the joy in something, 10/10 do not do it.
Showing up once a week to run allows me to play with my resistance (to running, to routine, to structure, amongst other things). I get to practice focusing on the “good” of running: the health benefits; the satisfaction of completing something difficult; showing up when I don’t want to. Rather than dreading each run, I get to show up curiously.
I get to decide if running is enjoyable or not. I can focus on negative thoughts - about my form, how slow I am, how fat I feel. Or I can lift myself up with each and every step. I am strong. I show up for myself. I am showing my body love today.
Currently, I sometimes meet my Monday run with a little resistance. But I don’t have some deep inner knowing that running in inherently bad for me. I’m still learning lessons in it and I usually feel pretty amped up after I finish a jog.
I also know to continue to check in with myself and be aware of the intuitive nudge that lets me know - “hey maybe this isn’t the most loving version of movement for us right now”. And then it’s time for a shift.
Where do you face resistance? In building a new habit? In setting boundaries around your work schedule? Saving money? Cooking more? I wanna know!
Are you able to identify resistance - standing in your own way of something great - versus fully knowing and trusting your gut when something just is not meant to be?
How do you handle the dueling dilemma of resistance versus listening to your intuition?