I wrote + performed this poem for the You Aren’t Alone Project art event. YAAP is a non-profit in Baton Rouge whose mission is to create a network of support for mental health + wellness. The event beautifully combined art + mental health awareness.
Eyes not yet open.
First thought? Anxious.
What is this pain in my neck?
Will it linger all day?
How did it start?
Is it my fault?
It’s certainly my fault.
Feet graze the Earth.
Do I have enough time?
Am I already behind?
Why is my mind always racing? Worrying?
Grasping for something to overanalyze?
We flick on the kitchen light.
Am I hungry yet?
Should I drink water first?
Do the dogs need to go out?
Why does everything fall on me?
Weigh. On. Me.
We grab granola cuz it’s easier.
But shouldn’t I cook?
Eat something healthier?
Am I slowly killing myself from the inside out?
We finally enter my safe haven –
We sit on the furry rug.
A moment of pause.
You and me – we need a chat.
Me- the capital M me – who knows better.
Who still runs the show and makes the decisions.
Even when you – try to steal the show.
You. Anna. That’s the name I’ve given you.
I’ve become so engulfed by you –
I forgot that you actually are not me.
Anxious Anna.
Why are you here?
Constantly looming?
What are you trying so desperately to shield me from?
Pain.
Fear.
Truth.
Joy.
Presence.
My God. Presence.
We worry.
Together. Day in and day out.
We sweat the small shit.
We catastrophize trivial matters.
We worry.
We worry.
We worry.
Thank you, Anna, truly.
For attempting to keep me safe…
But really, you’re keeping me small.
Thank you, Anna, deeply.
Scanning for every misstep I may make.
But you are robbing me of being present in my own life.
Thank you, Anna, sincerely.
For your protection and worry.
But I got this.
I run the show.
You may continue to worry.
But me? Capital M me – I need to believe.
To trust in myself and the goodness of the world that surrounds me.
We? We worry no more.