You are allowed
To be tired
You are allowed
To work around the clock
You are allowed
To miss family functions + 1000 dinners
You are allowed
I am allowed
To change my mind
I am allowed
To want more
I am allowed
To ask for more + know that you can’t show up
I am allowed
To surrender
I am allowed
To fear losing it all
I am allowed
To begin again
I am allowed
”You Are Allowed”
January 6, 2022
Values
Freedom is -
Asking for your needs to be met
Space + support to shift
Exploration of the self
Connection is -
Being deeply seen + heard
Vulnerability to show up fully
Courageous openness
Creativity is -
The soul’s purpose
An understanding of the inside
Power
Stillness is -
Non-negotiable
Confronting + life-changing
The portal to desire
”Values # 1”
December 25, 2021
Ease in
Like sliding into cool water
Connected
Like baby + momma attached at the nipple
Trusting
Like a pup belly-up ready for petting
Freedom to be
Like Mother Nature in all her powerful being
Creative
Like sun painting sky
These are the
Values I align with
”Values # 2”
December 28, 2021
Weeping Willow Tree
Beneath the willow tree
I weep
For the time I wasted
Worrying
Hating my body
Despite how hard she works
Ashamed of my heart
For how sensitive + grand she is
Rejecting myself to be
Accepted by others
Questioning my every decision
Doubting myself
With each tear
I choose to free myself
Free from pain, doubt, fear
I lift my wet face to the sky
I breathe …
I embody peace + ease
Worry only steals my joy
”Weeping Willow Tree”
December 23, 2021
Feel Good Feeling
That feel good feeling
You know the one -
Where time is slowed +
Everything is easy
Well, it didn’t last long
Fear crept back in -
Like night washes away the sun
A tight grip around my throat
What is it I’m protecting myself from?
My own thoughts + worries?
A false sense of control
When really I have none
How does one continue to access that
Feel good feeling?
Drugs Sex Lies… No
Presence
Slowing
Truth
That feel good feeling
You know the one -
Like sun warming you from the inside out
Everything is easy
”Feel Good Feeling”
December 14, 2021
Shrunk
I shrunk myself to be more palatable
To be softer, quieter, kinder
To fit the mold you expect a woman to cage herself in
I shrunk myself to be more appealing
To be thinner, lighter, pushed over
To gain your validation because
Your list was more vital than my own love
I shrunk myself to be more -
No, actually - just to be less…
Less bold
Less deserving
Less wild
Less sexual
Less myself
But I will shrink myself for no one
Not you + most certainly not myself
I will downsize myself no more
Like a spring flower in
B
L
O
O
M
I will expand
Rise
Flourish
”Shrunk”
December 10, 2021
We Worry
I wrote + performed this poem for the You Aren’t Alone Project art event. YAAP is a non-profit in Baton Rouge whose mission is to create a network of support for mental health + wellness. The event beautifully combined art + mental health awareness.
Eyes not yet open.
First thought? Anxious.
What is this pain in my neck?
Will it linger all day?
How did it start?
Is it my fault?
It’s certainly my fault.
Feet graze the Earth.
Do I have enough time?
Am I already behind?
Why is my mind always racing? Worrying?
Grasping for something to overanalyze?
We flick on the kitchen light.
Am I hungry yet?
Should I drink water first?
Do the dogs need to go out?
Why does everything fall on me?
Weigh. On. Me.
We grab granola cuz it’s easier.
But shouldn’t I cook?
Eat something healthier?
Am I slowly killing myself from the inside out?
We finally enter my safe haven –
We sit on the furry rug.
A moment of pause.
You and me – we need a chat.
Me- the capital M me – who knows better.
Who still runs the show and makes the decisions.
Even when you – try to steal the show.
You. Anna. That’s the name I’ve given you.
I’ve become so engulfed by you –
I forgot that you actually are not me.
Anxious Anna.
Why are you here?
Constantly looming?
What are you trying so desperately to shield me from?
Pain.
Fear.
Truth.
Joy.
Presence.
My God. Presence.
We worry.
Together. Day in and day out.
We sweat the small shit.
We catastrophize trivial matters.
We worry.
We worry.
We worry.
Thank you, Anna, truly.
For attempting to keep me safe…
But really, you’re keeping me small.
Thank you, Anna, deeply.
Scanning for every misstep I may make.
But you are robbing me of being present in my own life.
Thank you, Anna, sincerely.
For your protection and worry.
But I got this.
I run the show.
You may continue to worry.
But me? Capital M me – I need to believe.
To trust in myself and the goodness of the world that surrounds me.
We? We worry no more.