solitude

Pain Says

some days are filled with 

constant music 

attempts at drowning out 

constant thoughts 

some days are bright and

I am safe 

bad days

I am too scared  

to stop and sit 

to be swallowed by

my pain 

but that’s the thing about pain 

he always lingers 

waiting. 

behind curtains 

patient. watching. 

because pain has no 

other plans, no where to be 

he will come with you to 

the store 

he’ll tip tap 

remind you 

I’m still here

still with you 

watching. waiting. 

pain doesn’t mean to be 

a nuisance 

he just wants to say hi 

hello 

hey there 

look at me 

be with me 

please 

hear me out 

don’t dance me out 

or affirm me away or 

tell me you hate me 

just be with me 

hold me 

tend to me 

then i’ll be 

on my way 

“Pain Says”

8/22/23

stillness is my socialization

Belly in grass
Grey skies above
Three girls picnicking
An elderly couple
Walking hand in hand

Grief for lack of closeness
Shame for making everything about me
Accustomed to running from
my darkness but learning that
That is where the magic is

Alone isn’t so lonely anymore
Sometimes it’s preferred
My energy is easier to handle
My mind is more at ease
How do I let someone new in
When solitude is my sanctuary
And stillness is my socialization?

Envy points to what is missing in my own life
How can I meet those needs myself?
Yet how still do I reach out for support?

Curiously engaged with the world around me
Highly attuned to my own body
What does she need to tell me?
What have I spent years turning deaf ears to?

stillness is my socialization
12/10/222