I don’t want to be strong
I want to be soft
I want to showcase my
puddles of melted tears
I want to be held by community
I can do it alone + I have been but
I’m tired
Tired of keeping up walls so
high no one can traverse them
Moats so deep you
drown before you have access
I don’t want to be strong
Strong is overrated
Strong is isolating
Strong is exhausting
“Be Strong”
01/07/23
Summon Darkness
I wrote this piece at a witchy writing workshop where we discussed the portrayal of witches as wild/ bad women in media. It was fun + out of my element from my “normal” poetry.
I don’t want to be good
I want to utilize my powers
To be bad
For the fun of it
For the thrill of it
Donned in all black
Blinkless stare
I own the night +
I’ll devour your soul whole
I’m tired of being the good girl
I channel my ancestors +
Summon the darkness to
Shift inside me what I
cannot change on my own
“Summon Darkness”
12/7/22
No one was harmed in the writing of this poem hehe
You are not Failing, You are Finding your own Path
You are not failing, you are finding your own path.
In 2017, I left behind what everyone expected to be my life-long career of Audiology. I had received a Doctorate by the age of 26 + I (+ everyone else) thought I had it made.
After 5 years of working in research at a VA Hospital in SoCal, I knew something had to shift. *I* had to shift. I could no longer swallow the idea of showing up day in + day out to sit behind a desk. Or repeat over + over again, “raise your hand when you hear the beep”.
No one warned me about the mental + emotional toll entrepreneurship would take. I wasn’t prepared for the shame I’d carry for years for leaving behind a “good” job that provided safety + security. Plus, stripping away the pride of telling people “I’m a DOCTOR” versus “I work in retail + teach yoga”.
Yet, no one warned me about the immense gratitude I would have for myself for carving my own path. For being brave enough to question what was expected of me. For taking a leap of faith to follow my heart. No matter the consequences.
This path has been windy AF. And lonely too. I am often having to remind myself that I have not failed. I am not failing. I am trailblazing my own path + THAT is success in + of itself.
If you’re feeling called to shake up something in your life but you aren’t sure where to even begin, I want to know. I want to support you + lessen that load. I want to empower you to live the life you actually WANT, the life that tickles your soul!
I’m not telling you it will be easy + all fun. I can guarantee it won’t be, actually. But with me, you will have support, resources, tools, empowerment, clarity + a life YOU are proud of.
Shame Cycle
Soft morning light
Drapes through the windows
Tickling my senses
but still not enough to
Make Me Rise
Colder-than-I-like air keeps me
Tethered to the warmth of sheets + blankets
I toss + turn
I shut down my eyes time
+ time again
Shame creeps in
You should just get up
You’ve slept plenty
Everyone else is up + moving
A real spiritual practitioner is
Awake before the sun
I lack discipline + drive
I enjoy wallowing in my woes
Heavy bedding on cold toes
What’s the point of waking early?
That just means more hours to
Fret. To overthink. To feel too much.
I’ll try again tomorrow +
Start another day by
Disappointing myself
Or maybe I’ll abandon the dream of
being someone I’m not
+ stay in this loop of sleep,
shame, cycle repeats
“Shame Cycle”
3/14/23
Three Hands
What would you do with Three Hands?
Work harder, faster, more
Would you eat more delicious foods
Or hold onto more friends
Would you carry the load for
those who need help
Or maybe you’d just spend more
time Scrolling
Could you fathom creating more art
More beauty in this world
or Would you be a part of
its Destruction
Do you envision abundance in those
Three Hands
Or are they a nuisance,
one more part to lug around
Would you add more doing, more going
Simply because you had an extra hand
or would you Allow Yourself
more pleasure, more rest
because you had deserved support
”Three Hands” 2/25/23
Play is the Cure
I know you’re tired
Tired of growing, healing, change
Tired of finding the lesson, of being grateful
I want you to wallow + rage
I want you to throw yourself a pity party
I want you to indulge, let loose
I want you to burn your life to the ground
I know you’re tired of being the good girl
Tired of worrying, fretting
Tired of feeling so much lack
Tired of feeling… period
I want you to know + truly embody that
You are enough
You
Just you
As you are
Not because of your job title
Or your income
Not because of your clothes or car
or online presence
YOU are enough
I want you to meet this tired version of you
With gentleness, love, compassion
What does she really need?
I want you to swim in sweetness
To meet your shadow sides with ease
To hold those hard-to-see places with eyes of curiosity
Not judgment
I want you to abandon routines when
your body is craving
Rest + play
Soften around the should’s,
the “must” do’s of work + life
Flow into your feminine energy
Trust + fully surrender that every single thing that is
Aligned for you is headed your way
In perfect timing + perfect form
I know you are tired
Play is the cure
“Play is the Cu e”
1-5-23
The Emotion
The Emotion -
You know the one
The one you busy yourself for
Run, hide, blame
The emotion
Bubbling under the surface
Begging to simply be seen
Spend time with me
Talk with me
Please
Just hear me
Here. Me.
Shame, guilt, anger
Sadness, loneliness, fear
Which is it?
All balled into one
Super Emotion
So how do you sit with her?
Your scared inner child
Terrified of her own thoughts,
feelings, inner world
“The Emotion”
Dec 13, 22