I am not loving
I am not kind
I am not open or
sweet,
Sincere or
authentic
I am cruel,
short-tempered
I am crass
I am constricted
I am lies +
salt
Rubbed into your wounds
“the truth of who I am”
12/11/22
stillness is my socialization
Belly in grass
Grey skies above
Three girls picnicking
An elderly couple
Walking hand in hand
Grief for lack of closeness
Shame for making everything about me
Accustomed to running from
my darkness but learning that
That is where the magic is
Alone isn’t so lonely anymore
Sometimes it’s preferred
My energy is easier to handle
My mind is more at ease
How do I let someone new in
When solitude is my sanctuary
And stillness is my socialization?
Envy points to what is missing in my own life
How can I meet those needs myself?
Yet how still do I reach out for support?
Curiously engaged with the world around me
Highly attuned to my own body
What does she need to tell me?
What have I spent years turning deaf ears to?
stillness is my socialization
12/10/222
do not wait
do not wait
til it’s a full fuck yes
sometimes the best decisions
arise from a quieter perhaps
do not wait
til you fully know
because we never really know
ya know?
do not wait
for their opinions
or judgments of
what is right or wrong
do not wait
to pack the bag
hop the plane
uncover yourself somewhere a new
do not wait
for someone to help
rebirth you
for you + you alone can only do that
do not wait
for permission
do not wait
for certainty
I beg you
do not wait
do not wait
do not wait
“do not wait”
4/24/22
Values
Ease
Like sliding into cool waters
Connected
Like baby + momma attached at the nipple
Trusting
Like a pup, belly up waiting for petting
Freedom to be
Like Mother Nature in all her powerful being
Creative
Like sun painting evening sky
These are the values
I align with
”Values”
Unraveling
I feel like I’m unraveling.
Not in a good way.
Not in the way you slowly undress string cheese.
More like in the way you hit rock bottom.
Or like watching a slow crash + burn.
Unraveling the ways in which I think.
The ways in which I talk to myself.
The opinions I choose to grip onto tightly.
I am no longer biting my tongue.
I stand tall for my needs.
My wants. My desires.
I am unraveling my darkest layers.
I am unraveling to save myself.
”Unraveling”
12/28/21
Life Five Fires Ago
Life, five fires ago, was
Wildly different
often alone…
Lonely?
I’d travel the coast in
search of more
More adventure
More men
more me
Riding the coattails of
“success” + what was
meant to make Us Happy
But she was
Never happy
You can’t feel happy if
You don’t allow yourself to
Feel Sad Too
Reconnect with the girl from
Five Fires Ago
hold her
love her
let her go
Theguelphpoet prompts
11/30/22
Love Letter # 24
Honor your emotions
Let them flow
Create
Move
Don’t sink
Don’t run
Don’t criticize or
Shame
Settle in
Be gentle
Pause
Soften
Reach out
Even allow a wallow
From time to time
But do not suffer for the sake of
Being fearful
Of what’s on the other side of your pain
Love letter to Self # 24
7/1/22