time ticks by
people stop asking, stop checking in
life carries on
but grief,
grief stays
he tickles at your throat
stings behind your eyes
subtle reminders of loss
memories of what could have been
a shocking pain
that cuts so deep -
your inhale catches
he rises with the sun
some days
lingers with the falling night
on others
often quiet
rarely screaming
he just wants your attention
wants you to not forget
the lessons
the heartache
the love that once was
so let him in
pour him a cup of tea
embrace his sorrows
let him be
slack jawed
I crave to be
slack-jawed
hair frizzed
wild + free
belly soft
hands dirtied
unapologetically me
laughs loud
heart opened
no one else i’d rather be
”slack-jawed”
Sept 2023
Earth Loving
I smell the earth beneath my toes
gifting me her strength
slowly extrapolating my woes
I hear the wisdom of her trees
sitting silently beneath them
she communicates with me in the breeze
I feel the flow of water around me
her cooling touch on my skin
allowing me to surrender so I can simply be
I see great Mother’s beauty + her gentle grace
she’s teaching me to slow down
+ reminds me it’s not about the race
I taste her sweet nectar in all parts of life
pleasure abounds when I open to it
finally allowing me to release my need for control + strife
Earth Mother
I smell you
I hear you
I feel you
Mother Gaia
I see you
I taste you
I am you
“Earth Loving”
May 2023
Texts I'll Never Send
I miss us
And I miss you
I hate that you don’t feel it too
do you think about me?
I often dream of you
more than I care to admit to
I’m sorry for the things
I did + didn’t do
for all the things I put you through
bricks on chest
the vision of her where I should have been
me asleep alone once again
heart broken, ashamed
too many decisions already made
and I can’t help but regret mine most of the day
but these are the texts I’ll never send
the things I’ll never say
not to your face anyway
“Texts I’ll Never Send”
July 2023
Pain Says
some days are filled with
constant music
attempts at drowning out
constant thoughts
some days are bright and
I am safe
bad days
I am too scared
to stop and sit
to be swallowed by
my pain
but that’s the thing about pain
he always lingers
waiting.
behind curtains
patient. watching.
because pain has no
other plans, no where to be
he will come with you to
the store
he’ll tip tap
remind you
I’m still here
still with you
watching. waiting.
pain doesn’t mean to be
a nuisance
he just wants to say hi
hello
hey there
look at me
be with me
please
hear me out
don’t dance me out
or affirm me away or
tell me you hate me
just be with me
hold me
tend to me
then i’ll be
on my way
“Pain Says”
8/22/23
Two, Not One
I am two, not one
Wild, entertaining, humorous
Life of the party
yet
Sensitive, quiet, overwhelmed
Judging to protect my energy
I am two, not one
Amazingly strong … powerful
yet
Soft, tender, loose
I am two, not one
Self righteous in all my knowing
yet
Never educated enough to
embody true confidence
“Two Not One”
12/16/22
Be Strong
I don’t want to be strong
I want to be soft
I want to showcase my
puddles of melted tears
I want to be held by community
I can do it alone + I have been but
I’m tired
Tired of keeping up walls so
high no one can traverse them
Moats so deep you
drown before you have access
I don’t want to be strong
Strong is overrated
Strong is isolating
Strong is exhausting
“Be Strong”
01/07/23