100% More than Last Year

I am 100% more grounded than I was a year ago. And I still have days where I can’t quite settle.

I am 100% more in touch with my grief than I was a year ago. Yet I still find ways to ignore and numb my pain.

I am 100% more loving - to others and myself - than I was a year ago. But some part of me still chooses subtle abuse as a means of motivation. 

Healing is not linear. 

I know you’ve heard that before. But can you let it really sink in? 

Healing, like life, ebbs and flows. Sometimes it feels like you take two steps forward and one step back. In the really challenging times, maybe it’s even one step forward and two steps back.

But, sweet sensitive soul — 

The goal of healing is not to achieve perfection. 

The goal of healing is not to avoid ever being activated again.

The goal of healing is to learn... and unlearn. 

The goal of healing is to fall back into old patterns. Then recognize those reactions sooner to their origin, not years, months, or weeks later. 

The goal of healing is to show an immense capacity of love for your younger parts that have been trying to protect you all these years. 

The goal of healing is to live again. To know that you will be triggered by someone you love or a stranger on the street. And now, you know that you have richer resourcing and compassion to keep showing up for your life. 

Would you please take some time to journal, think, or create art about the ways in which you are 100% more [blank] than last year?

More confident. More calm. More angry. More uncertain. More connected. More artistic. More overwhelmed. Embrace it all.

I know it may not always feel like progress is being made, sweet soul… but, I promise it is.

You are 100% more healed than you were a year ago. And that is worth celebrating!

Life Five Fires Ago

Life, five fires ago, was
Wildly different
often alone…
Lonely?
I’d travel the coast in
search of more
More adventure
More men
more me

Riding the coattails of
“success” + what was
meant to make Us Happy
But she was
Never happy

You can’t feel happy if
You don’t allow yourself to
Feel Sad Too

Reconnect with the girl from
Five Fires Ago
hold her
love her
let her go

Theguelphpoet prompts
11/30/22

Love Letter # 24

Honor your emotions
Let them flow
Create
Move

Don’t sink
Don’t run
Don’t criticize or 
Shame

Settle in
Be gentle
Pause
Soften

Reach out
Even allow a wallow
From time to time

But do not suffer for the sake of
Being fearful
Of what’s on the other side of your pain


Love letter to Self # 24
7/1/22 

Is Future-Self Journaling More Harmful than Helpful?

Can focusing daily on habits you want to change about yourself cause more harm than do good?

If you’re like me, you jumped on the future-self journaling bandwagon within the last two years. The style of journaling was popularized by “Instagram-psychologist” the.holistic.psychologist (THP), Dr. Nicole LePera. The format invites room for growth + change by allowing you to visualize + write about a future version of yourself: a better, brighter, less anxious version of you. For thirty days, you take a habit you’d like to become more aware of + alter. You create affirmations around the behavior, envision future scenarios where you can respond differently, + contemplate how this future-you will feel.

The benefits of journaling are numerous; it can help reduce symptoms of depression, enhance your self-awareness, offload stress, increase your gratitude, + much more. I’m a big proponent of journaling, but if you turned to writing as a means to alleviate your anxiety, I’m not sure the use of daily future-self journaling is helpful. Hear me out!

After several months of following THP’s format, something felt off to me. I started to feel like this daily focusing on patterns I wanted to fix wasn’t leaving me much room for self-compassion or self-love. Rather than learning to accept myself as is – while still creating awareness around behaviors I wanted to shift – I became hyper-focused on what needed to be fixed next. As someone with anxiety, it was easy to get sucked into the dark hole of worrying + over-thinking + over-analyzing. I also wasn’t learning real-world techniques to be aware enough in each moment of anxiety to calm myself back down. Not to mention, so much forward-thinking left me feeling like my anxiety had actually worsened. After months of using the future-self journal, I began to feel like I was failing at “healing” because I wasn’t making progress quickly enough.

THP also created this journaling tool as a means for people to heal themselves (#selfhealers). I’m a huge advocate for taking your health into your own hands, but I think we still need the support of others – professionals, friends, a true community – not just a hashtag to follow. A Vice article from August 2020 called into question the harm THP may be potentially causing. She encourages “doing the work” all on your own + has previously shown disapproval for talk therapy.

So what to do? Well, the choice is still yours. Maybe the future-self journal works wonders for you. But if you’re like me + it leaves you with lower self-esteem + more anxiety than you began, it may be time to try something new. I also cannot advocate enough for seeking personal, professional mental health. (And of course, the cost + barriers to that for most is a conversation for another day.) 

If you look back through my work, you can find the “selfhealers” hashtag. I drank the Kool-Aid + I placed THP on a pedestal. I considered editing my past work to reflect the change of heart I’ve had. But my hope is that other people will learn from the mistake I made. Question who you follow + trust. Do their methods REALLY work for you? It’s ok to change your mind.    

The future-self journal gifted me with the practice of daily journaling. And I cannot recommend journaling enough! I still find value in this style of journaling – some of the time. It’s powerful to write a letter to yourself 5-years from now + envision all the wonderful changes you created.

Now, however, I’m more focused on being fully present in the here + now. I want to foster self-love + celebrate who I am along this healing journey TODAY. If that feels more your speed, please check out the Me Here Now Journal that I created. I hope this mindful + present journaling technique helps you learn to become better in touch your body + listen to your needs as well as love yourself along the way.